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2021 - who knew? Before we jump into a recap of tough questions, it seems appropriate to address the elephant in the room and ask what I can only assume you're all thinking, "What wine should we be drinking this week?!?!"
I’m glad you asked! I was ready to recommend a rather unassuming bottle of merlot until I shook things up last weekend and opened something from one of my favorite producers, Martha Stoumen. If her wines were a party, I'd show up on time and stay well past my welcome. I have a habit of taking a bottle of hers on a date to ensure that even if the dude is a dud, at least I’ll have the wine to keep me company.
While I adore her reds, especially the Zinfandel, I think you should try her Post Flirtation White Blend this week. I know, I know, you're thinking, it's winter, we don't drink white in winter, but this is so good. So, get yourself some old ass Gouda, a jar of fancy olives, and prepare to pretentiously insist how wonderfully the acidity pairs with those salty snacks as you pour yourself a second glass. If you want help finding a bottle, text me, and I'll connect you with an Other Peoples Approved retailer near you! ( 🇺🇲 313.825.4670 or 🇨🇦 647.370.6832 )
Now, I have a confession to make. I was scared to do this recap because I didn’t take the time to organize the weekly questions into themes. The recent topics ranged from relationships to travel and work and didn't seem to have much in common. Oddly enough, though, your answers to those seemingly unrelated questions kept reminding me of the same quote. "Nothing other people do is because of you,” insists Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements while stressing the importance of not taking things personally.
The extended section reads, "Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
I think this quote jumped to mind because the first two tough questions seemed to set the stage for many of you to describe how other people judge you. I first asked, "Do you think other people think you're a good listener?" and then, "In what ways are you a difficult person to have a relationship with?" If other people say you’re a bad listener or difficult to be with, that judgment likely has more to do with their own lived experiences and assumptions than with an objective review of your skills and behavior. Or you might actually be a pain in the ass to live with. Maybe the jury’s still out.
The second two questions seemed to be a reminder that if nothing other people do is because of you, it’s possible nothing you do is because of other people. That feels hard to admit! I wanna somehow soften the blow to something like, "Not EVERYTHING you do is because of other people." But, honestly, the more stark version is likely true, at least in my case. In the past, if I stayed up all night researching domestic wine producers using the traditional Georgian technique of fermenting wine in big clay barrels buried in the ground, well, that was because of me, not because I hated my now ex-husband and was maliciously hoping he would feel hurt and rejected while lying cold and alone in bed.
And if I give up my beautiful loft in Detroit to spend two months in Mexico City and the remainder of winter in New Orleans, it's either because exploring new places and meeting new people put a smile on my face or because I believe I'm unlovable and would rather move someplace else than face the loneliness I'm sure is tied to anything longer than a 12-month lease. It's certainly not because I want to make my 87-year old grandma cry! My decisions are about my experience, my perceptions, my shit - not about his, or hers, or yours for that matter. So, don’t take it personally when I move 4,000 miles away or insist your inability to put your dirty clothes in the hamper is an indication of your rampant disregard for the hard work I put into our relationship. And I’ll try to do the same when you fall down a rabbit hole of work or glance at your Apple Watch while I’m telling you about my day.
Hmmm, I’m not sure this is ending on the bright, cheery note I had anticipated. Oh, well. C'est la vie! If you have any feedback or want to try that delicious bottle of wine from Martha Stoumen I mentioned, text me! I’m always excited to hear from you :) I'm gonna go for a walk and consider the tough questions we discussed. And by 'go for a walk,' I mean 'eat a chocolate bar,’ and probably have a glass of wine.
Until we talk again, I hope you'll keep being curious enough to ask questions, find the courage to answer them, and just maybe, have the audacity to give a sh*t about other people's answers too!
