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It seems like there's always someone or something telling me, "Why bother? You're just going to fail anyway." More often than not, it's me stopping myself before I've even begun. That little voice in the back of my head asking, "Do you honestly think people want to hear your wine recommendations?" Probably not, but I bring them to you every week anyway, and this week, I think you should be drinking a bottle of Forlorn Hope's 2013 Nacré Sémillon.
I opened this bottle without looking at the label, and the first sip had me asking, "What is this?!" I don't know how to pronounce the grape name correctly, but I know it gave me seriously sophisticated, lemon-lime soda vibes. I ended up pacing around my apartment, poppin' olives and munching on parm as if spring had already sprung and there wasn't still inches of snow on the ground. That might be because the wine was made in the style of those from Australia's Hunter Valley. After all, spring brings a sense of new things being possible, and Australia is the land of possibilities. Or is that Minneapolis? Ugh, I always forget. Anyway, text me if you'd like help finding a bottle at an Other Peoples Approved retailer near you. Yes, even in Canada! ( 🇺🇲 313.825.4670 or 🇨🇦 647.370.6832 )
You know that little voice in the back of my head I mentioned? Well, right now, it’s screaming, “You don’t have enough analytical or leadership experience!” It stole that line from an email I received this morning saying I wouldn’t be moving on to the next round of interviews for a job I was starting to think I really wanted. Rational Michael knows one person’s opinion does not define me, but irrational little Mikie wants to ruminate, ravage the snack drawer, and run away from the world. Eating a bar of dark chocolate and binging two episodes of Law & Order won’t make things better, but that seems easier than processing the big emotions coursing through my veins. Plus, years of embracing this kind of self-sabotage have prepared me to deal with the post-binge shame, whereas I feel much less equipt to manage the doubt and disappointment I assume will follow facing my fears head-on.
This cycle was a bit more blatant when I was young, like going out the night before an exam or putting off writing a paper till the last moment. As I've grown older, I’ve learned to disguise my self-sabotage in sheep's clothing. A few examples:
Focusing on others' needs instead of my own.
Hiding behind productivity hacks like Inbox Zero instead of finishing a presentation that could move the needle at work.
Asking others what they want instead of answering that question for myself.
Some people would suggest I’ve got a fear of success. Possibly, but perhaps it goes deeper. I regularly tell myself that even if I succeed, it still won’t be enough because deep down, I’m a loser, and eventually, everyone will figure that out. I probably sound like a broken record, as this is the third time I’ve mentioned such thoughts in a recap. I might be running out of pseudo-vulnerable things to say, or maybe everything that’s wrong with me stems from the same self-imposed narrative. Can both be true?
Either way, I haven’t found a consistent way to combat self-sabotage, but your answers to a recent tough question might hold the secret. I asked you to describe a memorable taste or smell and what it means to you. Some of you transported me to a different time and place with your description of a scent! That got me thinking about how I might build a new habit to help break my cycles of self-doubt. Could I pull myself out of a downward spiral by lighting a candle or spritzing on my favorite cologne? If smelling salts can bring back a boxer after an especially brutal blow, maybe some incense can trigger me to put down the Tinder when I feel lonely and call a close friend instead.
None of those tricks would address my self-sabotage's root cause, but at least they wouldn’t reinforce it. Given how well-worn these thought patterns are, I’m not sure it’s helpful to think they’ll ever go away for good. Regardless, voicing them feels like a step in the right direction. Ideally, I’d like to drop the self-doubt and keep the dark chocolate, but that might be asking too much. Got any tips or tricks you’ve found helpful to keep yourself on the up and up? Text me to share or to let me know you want to conjure spring with the bottle of Forlorn Hope I mentioned. Standard messaging rates may apply, but I haven’t had any complaints yet :) ( 🇺🇲 313.825.4670 or 🇨🇦 647.370.6832 )
I’m off to investigate an Instagram ad for a ‘boy smells’ candle. I think it’s in my best interest to inquire which smell is coming from the boy before paying $32 for a hunk of wax. Until we talk again, I hope you’ll keep being curious enough to ask questions, find the courage to answer them, and for the love of Britney, have the audacity to give a sh*t about other people's answers too!
